I just going to get down to business. (Try listening to 'The Funeral - Band of Heroes')
Recently my sister has returned the hard disk to us. So the past weeks have just been movies and TV series. I just watched how I met your mother. There's this one episode that I like. The first episode of the eighth season. The last part where Klaus was explaining to Ted about Lebenslangerschicksalsschatz. You see the closest translation of that is 'Lifelong Treasure of Destiny'. Victoria to Klaus is just his Beinaheleidenschaftsgegenstand = 'The thing that is almost the thing that you want, but not quite'. Ted then asks what if Victoria were to get more Lebenslangerschicksalsschatz-ier.
Klaus explains that cannot happen because, it is not something that develops over time.
It is something that happens instantaneously.
It courses through you.
Like the water of a river after a storm.
Filling you and emptying you all at once.
You feel it throughout your body.
In your hands. In your heart. In your stomach. In your skin.
Klaus says that eventually everyone will find it. We just don't know when or where.
Have you ever felt this way about someone?
If you have to think about it, you have not felt it.
I wish that I felt that way about someone.
Once I felt it. But then I lost it. I was too scared. Too scared to take a risk. To scared to try. I regret it. Now I just look at her from a distance and wonder what we could have been.
Here I am just listening to this sad song, and reading our old conversations. It's sad because I felt so happy talking to her. I still remember being really scared what to text to her. I feel so stupid now.
Now I'm trying to fall back in love with her. Reading her blog, while listening to the song that reminds me most of her. But I just can't reach that feeling of Lebenslangerschicksalsschatz.
Sometimes I wonder if she really liked me or just thought about me just as a friend. I just wished I could make her notice. But it's too late for that. I moved on. She moved on. Maybe I'll fine my Lebenslangerschicksalsschatz later on. I hope I don't make the same mistake again.